EPISODE #28 LET’S TALK LIBIDO – a conversation about sex and desire with Dr. Jill Blakeway
- Published on: 18 October, 2020
- Last update: 01 April, 2021
THIS WEEK ON WHAT’S THE JUICE PODCAST
Are you wondering how to boost your goddess juice? I’ve got my inner JLo turned on high after my deep dive with Yinova Founder Dr. Jill Blakeway. My podcast is about keeping things juicy, and sex might just be the juiciest thing there is!
I’m so jazzed to conclude season one of What’s the Juice with this potent convo. We talk a lot about how to bring more energy to your system with herbs, energy healing and biomedicine. It turns out that balancing your bod isn’t just good for physical and mental health—it improves your libido and intimate connections too.
Trust me—these practices will make you feel like a legit goddess by the time you’re done!
This week’s episode with Dr. Jill is a celebration of all things sex.Dr. Jill Blakeway is a New York-based acupuncturist, clinical herbalist, and energy healer who was casually crowned a “fertility goddess” by the New York Times for her research on how to conceive healthy, natural pregnancies. Her bestselling book Making Babies: A Proven 3-Month Program for Maximum Fertility explored why couples were struggling to conceive and brought a lot to light—namely, that in order to make babies, the libido must be in balance.
As we do on the pod, we get into some juicy territory here! This is a celebration of your bod regardless of where you are in your journey, so if you want to better support your system for increased connection, this is the episode for you. Her second book, Sex Again: Recharging Your Libido, is all about making sex fun again, so no shame if you’re feeling a lack of loving vibes in your life. We dish on what it takes to rejuvenate your intimacy, explore your sexuality, and feel more deeply connected from the inside out.
What’s stopping us from getting in the mood? Turns out—SO much! Or as Dr. Jill says: IT’S COMPLICATED. We kick-off this sexy convo with a look at the libido and how working consciously with your Qi energy can have a massive impact on your overall sense of sexual wellbeing. There are many factors that influence our sex drive and desire levels! Don’t worry—we discuss them all on the pod and bring it back to the basics. That’s why I love Dr. Jill’s refreshing and accessible perspective on how to identify and address internal energy levels and imbalances so that you can feel fully alive—in literally every way.
Ready to get juicy? Let’s start with some real talk on S – E – X.
Why is Sex So Complex?
I mean, sex is all around us—so why is it still so hard to talk about it openly? So many of us don’t feel safe sharing that we are feeling a lack of desire or can’t seem to have fulfilling sex—and it’s NEVER just one thing! Dr. Jill explains that we can feel a lack of desire for multiple reasons: social, emotional, physical, hormonal, and relationship factors are all very real influences that can create additional strain on the body’s systems. Let’s not forget that this is more prevalent in women!
Seems so simple but we know it’s L A Y E R E D. Which is why sex can become harder to enjoy when you’re stressed out. Hello! Our sexual energy—or Qi—is also our life energy, so when you feel stuck in one part of your life, it’s definitely likely that your libido is being impacted too.
Working with Qi
We talk a lot about Chinese medicine on the pod and blog, so most of you already know what Qi is. But I’m going to keep singing it for those who don’t, because as a concept it’s not generally accepted in Western medicine sooo… Qi is a fundamental energy that runs through your system. When we’re aligned, it kind of feels like things are flowing with ease. But when we feel stuck, it can feel like you’re trying to swim through mud. Or as Dr. Jill describes it: ”like you are wfighting the inevitable.” Who hasn’t felt that before? Qi imbalances are normal and happen to everyone. Again, for so many reasons, we live in a culture that doesn’t exactly support the energetic beings that we are!
Here’s the thing: your body is intelligent, but it’s not intellectual. The coolest thing about the human body is that every cell knows it’s function. How amazing that your body already knows what to do in order to effectuate healing—this is why I do what I do! This is why I believe in herbs, adaptogens, and body work—there’s so much already available to us NATURALLY.
Balancing Yin / Yang Energies
Cultivating homeostasis in the body is the foundation of Chinese Medicine. So how do we keep our Qi in balance? And hi—what does that have to do with our libido?
Yin and Yang are often misunderstood. Although they are often described as masculine or feminine, it isn’t that simple. Our system contains BOTH kinds of energy and in order to function optimally, ideally, we want our yin and yang working together. As Dr. Jill points out so eloquently—we can’t understand anything on it’s own; only in relation to something else.
So how do we know where to start?
If you’re more Yin…
You might get cold or put on weight easily, have a slow or sluggish metabolism, are on the pale side, and struggle to initiate or put things in motion. Yin energy is moistening, cooling, and nourishing.
If you are more Yin, try nourishing your Yang side with:
- Warming foods—think delicious soups (I know you all love Nick’s intuitive chicken soup)!
- Lightly cooked vegetables or foods that are already broken down.
- Cinnamon, cloves, curry and cayenne are all amazing spices to cook with.
- Earthing—get your bare feet into some natural grass and fast.
If you’re more Yang…
You tend to run hot, have warm hands and feet, might experience more constipation or vaginal dryness, can be prone to feeling restless, antsy, or agitated. You might find it hard to be on the receiving end! Yang energy is active, warming, and transformational.
If you are more on the Yang side, try nourishing your Yin with:
- Delicious pears and tree fruits.
- Good quality red meat or other sources of protein.
- Healthy fats—Nick’s got a recipe for you too!
- Make sure to hydrate from the inside out! Water is ESSENTIAL.
- Dried mulberry and walnut trail mix—my herbal teacher has us make this for kidney support and I love how it revitalizes me.
How to Cultivate Your Pleasure
Let’s get down to the nitty gritty. If you’re stressed, it’s that much harder to relax. Remember all the benefits of being in parasympathetic? And if it’s hard to relax….well, you’re probably not enjoying sex or having it very much. And here’s a no brainer incentive for fixing your sexual flow: having good sex leads to more good sex! Like so many habits in life, it’s a reinforcement loop.
A note on anticipation: as you might already know, women are wired to orgasm differently than men. One way to think of it: women are wired to anticipate pleasure. The best way to increase your anticipation…is to practice! Did you know that you train your sex muscles everyday just by practicing being present in your body? #justthefacts
I love how Dr. Jill puts it: people heal better when they’re safe— and the same goes for great sex (which, itself, is HEALING—hello, stress-reducing endorphins!). When we feel safe and supported in our bodies, we simply enjoy more fulfilling sex. This is why cultivating your Qi is so essential—you become more present to how you exchange energy before, during, and after intimate interactions. It’s not about control—it’s about deep connection.
Here’s a few practices that Dr. Jill recommends:
- Meditate! Did you know that women who meditate have an easier time reaching orgasm?!
- During sex, focus on the feeling of connection rather than the end outcome. Be in the moment and practice coming back to yourself if you get caught up or stressed.
- Try looping breathing exercises with your partner. (Don’t worry—we discuss this on the episode.)
- Practice daydreaming about sex! Anticipation is part of the pleasure so feel free to fantasize.
- Eat more leafy greens! They move Qi around and open up the channels.
- Enjoy the occasional quickie 😉 This goes back to letting go of perfection and outcomes—plus, it gets you out of old patterns.
Tune into the episode to get the rest of Dr. Jill’s recommended “sex-ercises” to unlock your Qi and deepen your intimate connections.
If you feel like you’ve lost your rhythm or just can’t get in the mood, this is totally the episode for you. Thanks so much for listening and stay juicy out there!
CONNECT WITH DR. JILL
Yinova Center: https://www.yinovacenter.com/
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